‘Adulting’ In The Modern World
Welcome back to The Squeeze! Today’s episode is about something we’ve all grappled with: young adulthood and the challenges that come with it. High school, with its predictable rules and expectations, offers a sanctuary of sorts from adult responsibilities. But what happens when you graduate, and that world is suddenly replaced by the vast expanse of uncharted territory called adulthood?
Our guest today is someone very close to my heart: my step-daughter Hannah. At 27, she has already experienced a great deal of what young adulthood has to offer, both the highs and the lows. In our raw conversation, Hannah unpacks her experience navigating this complex stage of life. We delve into the anxiety and uncertainty many young adults face when deciding what comes next. We discuss the added pressures of a modern world, including the psychological effects of social media and the economic realities for today’s youth, particularly in the lower mainland on the west coast.
Our discussion is an opportunity to better understand the challenges that young adults face in today’s world. It’s a frank exploration of the pressures and expectations that come with ‘adulting’. And while some might argue that these are not new problems, they are certainly unique in their manifestation in today’s society.
And as with everything I share on the podcast, this is what I believe based on what I’ve read and researched. But please don’t take my word for it. Keep what sticks, discard the rest and for goodness sakes, go out and test drive it!
What You’ll Learn In Today’s Episode:
What we can learn about human nature from movies.
The biggest barrier for young people trying to find their own path.
What advice Hannah would give herself if she could travel back in time.
The big game-changer for Hannah’s overall mindset.
The toll social media takes on mental health.
What Was Mentioned:
Ideas Worth Sharing:
“I know what I’m going to get out of it and it’s always fantastic.” – Hannah
“Sometimes you just want that feel-good moment on-demand.” – Hannah
“Everyone always leads with their perfectness right off the bat.” – Hannah
“Living my day-to-day life can be really substantial and meaningful.” – Hannah
“I can do meaningful things that don’t have to do with a really cool job.” – Hannah
Connect with me: Instagram
Subscribe & Leave a Review in Apple Podcasts!
Have you subscribed to The Squeeze yet? If not, I would love if you do so you don’t miss a thing! Subscribe here and leave a review.
Find The Squeeze wherever you listen!
-
Speaker 1 0:01
Hey, it's Christina. Thanks for joining us. And welcome to The Squeeze.
Speaker 2 0:09
If I ever do anything bad, I know that I'm not malicious, I know that I'm not a bad person, and I can see that. I know that I'm who I am, and if someone else doesn't see that, they think I'm a person, that's fine, but they just don't have that speck to see
Speaker 1 0:28
when it comes to navigating life as a young adult. I think we can all agree it's not exactly a cakewalk, whether you find your stride in high school or not, and frankly, I'm pretty hard pressed to imagine anybody does, but perhaps they do. Graduation then becomes like this ejection event, like you're ejected from this really predictable and well-known kind of like it or hate it game, and it's a game where the rules and expectations are clear, whether you conform to them or not, and where the goal posts are literally as obvious as the ones on the football field. More importantly, it was a period of life where you could kind of duck a lot of the adulting questions, at least for a while. At least I could, but then just like that, bam, you're done, school is over, and I've been to a couple of those red carpet graduation walks, and you know, those sort of self-assured smiles, they've always seemed so incongruous with the stage of life that those graduates are at. It's like when you watch little kids playing house, but once the parties and the exams are over, what happens next? Unless you were the kind of kid whose parents mapped out your entire existence, I was not navigating what comes next can be kind of daunting, and even if we overlook your unbelievably good fortune to have been born in a place where free education was readily available, the pressure to decide what you're going to do next starts building now. I have known so many clients over the past few years, and certainly even more since Covid, and they've talked about their children's struggles with anxiety and uncertainty around what to do with their lives, and of course we already know the toll that social media is taking on their mental health, and then there are the economic realities facing young people, particularly here, where I live, in the Lower Mainland, on the West Coast. The story of home ownership that I grew up with, it's, I think, pretty much all but evaporated for most young people living in this part of the world. So it was both insightful and heartening to fall into a rather spontaneous conversation with my 27 year old stepdaughter Hannah when she was over one Saturday afternoon recently. I've been in Hannah's life since she was 12 and I've had a front row seat to a lot of her growing pains and growing gains, and this last decade and a half has had a lot. I've seen her stops and starts, and I've tried to keep up with the things in her world that are important to her. And while the territory we explore together in this conversation may not exactly be groundbreaking, I felt privileged to be able to hear a young adult unpack the challenging experience of finding her path, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did. So, one of my most favorite ways to procrastinate is actually to watch movies, and you know, I've just watched movies ever since I can remember. In fact, one of my favorite movies was called Cinema Paradiso, which was actually about a little kid who grew up in a movie house in Italy, and so pretty much for my whole life I have gravitated back to movies, and movies have just provided me with a sense of meaning and what's important to me, and they've grounded me, and I've associated them with certain times in my life, and you know, I know this is not uncommon, and you know, and you've agreed to come talk to me today, Hannah, about your experience with movies, and as long back as I can remember, you would go to sleep with the TV on, playing a movie that you would watch lots and lots of times, so of course you remember that.
Speaker 2 4:23
Yeah, I have a little obsession with watching the same movies over and over again. It's kind of like a comfort thing. I feel like always have like a top five, depending on the mood I'm in, and just cycle through them, but they still make me cry every single time. Wow,
Speaker 1 4:36
so back when I first joined the family. What was.. what do you.. do you remember what your like number one movie was back then?
Speaker 2 4:46
Um, I think I was watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall a lot, because that was recorded on our PBR, and probably Twilight.
Speaker 1 4:52
And what about Titanic?
Speaker 2 4:54
Oh my god, yeah.. I'm
Speaker 1 4:55
doing the.. you can't see me, but I'm doing
Speaker 2 4:58
the.. I'm flying Jack, I'm flying Jack.
Speaker 1 5:00
Yeah, of course, you would know the lines if you've seen it that many times. I
Speaker 2 5:02
know a lot of the lines, and I would bring people over and make them watch a movie with me, and then say the lines to them. I know that's so annoying, but I just can't help it. And I do it still now, when I have, like, my new favorite one is Parent Trap, and I've obviously seen it a million times, but yeah, I just love it.
Speaker 1 5:17
So I don't watch.. there's actually, there's a few movies that I like. I have my top three, so Lawrence of Arabia, The Year of Living Dangerously, and Dead Poets Society. Those are my top three, and I can say I've probably watched Lawrence of Arabia 25 times, and maybe similar for the other two, but that's it. I don't watch other movies lots of times, but you do. So, what do you get out of watching it over and over and over again?
Speaker 2 5:43
I just have, like, a formal little obsession, and, like, an attachment to it, almost like I have my scenes that make me feel a certain way, and I know every time they will make me feel that way, and so I just know what I get out of it, and it's always fantastic. It makes me feel so.
Speaker 1 6:00
are you like kind of trying to find a feeling, is that why you watch it over and over again?
Speaker 2 6:06
No, because I feel like I feel a lot in general, so I do just have a lot of emotions, but then sometimes you just want that feel-good moment, as you know, on demand, so I know exactly where to find it.
Speaker 1 6:21
Interesting, remember just
Speaker 2 6:22
having like a boring night at home, and I'm just sitting there with my dinner and stuff, you know, not having anything that's like striking any emotion in me is just kind of like boring. So then I'll put on one of these movies and I know exactly at what times and at what scenes I'm gonna be crying, and it'll make me feel good. And then,
Speaker 3 6:38
wow, do
Speaker 2 6:39
that,
Speaker 1 6:40
huh? Okay, all these years I didn't know that's what you're into. Yeah, so when you can dial in a particular feeling, then what do you get from that?
Speaker 2 6:51
I don't even.. I get that satisfaction in the moment where I get to enjoy the mild euphoria, and like very good, just, you know, nice sensations, like extreme happiness, but I mean, I wouldn't say it's like super long lasting, but that just gives me a warm feeling watching the same movie over and over again.
Speaker 1 7:12
Well, like, would you say that, like it's kind of like the same thing as when you go and hang out with a particular person?
Speaker 2 7:19
I was just gonna say, yeah, like it feels like you get the warmth because it's familiar and you love it, so you just get like this warm feeling about it, but then also you know that you know, like, same as hanging out with a person that you really like, you want to see them all the time, yeah, because you know you're gonna get that nice feeling,
Speaker 1 7:39
yeah,
Speaker 2 7:40
that's like that,
Speaker 1 7:41
so the emotional part for movies. I know in my experience with movies, it's like really wanting to unpack the character, and I get the sense from what you told me earlier that that's the same for you. So, tell me about that part of watching movies.
Speaker 2 7:57
Well, I do like to analyze people in movies, but it's very dependent on what the movie is. If it's something that's a little bit more like a psychological movie, that's when I'll do that. Like Gone Girl is obviously one of my favorite movies. I've seen, honestly, probably like between one and 200 times.
Speaker 1 8:14
Holy cow! Okay, so okay, so let's just pause for a second. So, Gone Girl, that's a lot of time, so psychological. What is pulling you to that movie?
Speaker 2 8:26
Um, like I said, when I get that like warm feeling about it, because it's so familiar, that's what I get. It's a comfort movie for me. It's on. I feel calm, I feel good. I know what to expect when I'm watching it. I know my scenes that I like that interest me, and I just feel like it's a, it's got a lot of meaning to it, a lot of background stuff happening in that movie, and a lot of, like, you know, psychological stuff, so it just always, it just always hits, you know, it's good.
Speaker 2 8:54
So, what have you learned about human nature from that movie? Well, I mean, the main premise is he's being blamed for his wife's murder and the way he acts and stuff in front of the cameras, but then there's like so many other aspects to what's going on and being able to see just a surface level of kind of what like the media was seeing in his case in the whole movie and then going to see every background detail that they gave us right now with what's going on his side and her side, seeing both sides and getting to just observe and understand to the point that I'm like, you know, given information to understand, and yeah,
Speaker 1 9:36
so like if it were possible to get a pair of glasses that you could put on that would allow you to see the layers in somebody, would that be something you, you'd want to get a hold of? Yeah,
Speaker 2 9:46
I like that. I mean, there's only a certain extent to what you can know, you can only work with the information you're given, but I love breaking things down and being like, okay, this person is not, you know, just not an awful person. Like everyone in the movie thinks he is, yeah, you know, but he's done some bad things, and then there's all these other aspects to it, so just I think it kind of, I don't know if I was like this before or if that, like, helped a little bit, but it helps me break down people more to not be just like, you know, so black and white, see everyone as like a, you know, experience, you know, they've experienced a lot of different things.
Speaker 1 10:22
Well, and I'd love to go into a conversation about Succession with you, but I know you don't watch it. So, for anybody who's listening who does watch Succession, then you know that those characters are absolutely rife with moments where you want to love them and you want to support them and you want them to win, and then moments where you're like, this is like the worst person on the planet, and I think what makes that show so, so good is that they are all of it, and that it just depends on the time, who they're with, you know, how you're looking at them, what situation they're in, that they look different. So what I'm getting from you, Hannah, is that you seem interested in knowing that humans are complex.
Speaker 2 11:06
Yes, I love it.
Speaker 1 11:07
Okay. Why? Why do you love it? Well,
Speaker 2 11:09
it gives me, I mean, a little bit of.. I'm kind of a bit of a perfectionist, and it gives me a bit of forgiveness for myself, knowing that, like, you know, other people are also imperfect, because everyone also always leads with, like, you know, their perfectness, right off the bat, but it's, yeah, like, to know how a person became who they are, and, like, all the different things that have gone on, I find very interesting.
Speaker 1 11:34
Well, you said something super important there that I want to pull out, and that was that it allows you to be a bit more forgiving of yourself. Sit, can you say a bit more about that?
Speaker 2 11:44
Yeah, I mean, I feel like it's easy to be judgmental of yourself and judgmental of other people, see the bad things that people do and be like that's a bad person, but I don't necessarily see it like that so much anymore. So, I can, like, from experience, knowing that there's always more to the story, I mean, initially you say someone does something bad, I'll be a little bit mad in the start, but then I find myself quite capable now of thinking of, like, maybe why they've done that. It's not a me thing, you know. So, if I ever do anything bad, I know that I'm not malicious, I know that I'm not a bad person, and I can see that I know that I know who I am, and if someone else doesn't see that, they think I'm a person, that's fine, but they just don't have that speck to see the deeper bits.
Speaker 1 12:33
Yeah, so what I like about that is that it is, I think it's a fairly mature take, and I think that there's a way where you are embracing the nuance of people instead of like the black and white. So, let me just go backwards a little bit in time, because you've told me that you're really interested in what makes people tick, right, and we've, we've kind of gone on this big journey about your connection to movies and how that's like, you know, perhaps being a part of that, but like, how far back does your interest in, like, human nature go?
Speaker 2 13:14
Um, I would say it always was something that confused me until I started actually going to counseling myself, and then the counselor I saw was great, and she was very felt like I was like at a lesson, you know, and I learned a lot about myself, and I thought, "Wow, that's so cool, and it's just stuff I didn't know before, and then it made me put all the puzzle pieces together, look at previous scenarios and stuff, and just see the world in a different way, kind of after practicing it for a while,
Speaker 1 13:43
so like, did it make you feel like more empowered?
Speaker 2 13:46
Yeah, a lot
Speaker 1 13:47
like you got handed the sort of the decoder to figure out life.
Speaker 2 13:52
Yeah, before that I felt like any emotion, I felt kind of like I didn't know how to understand it, and it would like overtake me. I was a lot more self-conscious, and like, just the way I thought about the world was a lot different, and I didn't really know my place, almost. And then, when I started, you know, chatting with her about things, it just felt freeing, and I could just step into myself a little bit more, get out of my head, and actually, like, yeah.
Speaker 1 14:24
Do you think that, like, back then, in that time, where you were like feeling your feeling, but not really knowing why, and you kind of said, like, I didn't know my place, like, what were you sort of longing for back
Speaker 2 14:39
then? I kind of felt like I didn't really know what I was doing, and where my value was, and
Speaker 1 14:48
yeah,
Speaker 2 14:49
I didn't have a lot of, like, I'm a great person, I can do great things, and I can, like, make great connections, and just living my day-to-day life can. And be really like substantial and meaningful if I'm in that sort of headspace, but before that, like, it just felt like I didn't really know what I was doing, I was kind of like going about life, and like
Speaker 1 15:11
things would happen, and I would react in different ways that I wouldn't do so now, because I didn't really know what was going on, yeah, so like what you're describing to me sounds like a lot like the some of the content that I provided in a previous episode on power, specifically personal power, and the part of personal power that I'm seeing in what you're describing is the sense of purpose, like you actually started to understand, like I don't know exactly how to describe it, but when you're talking about it, it's kind of like you went from being kind of like just in your experience of life to actually being able to reflect on your experience of life, is that accurate?
Speaker 2 15:52
Yeah, yeah, and also being in a place of not being able to control myself and my emotions and my how I see things, and then going to the opposite, where I feel like I have control, and I can
Speaker 4 16:03
write,
Speaker 2 16:04
yeah.
Speaker 1 16:04
So I'm sure there's a lot of people, probably in your age range, who maybe haven't quite seen their life the way you're describing. Do you think that's true?
Speaker 2 16:14
Probably. Yeah.
Speaker 1 16:16
What, what do you think is like the biggest barrier for folks, either that you know or trends you see on social media, what's getting in the way? Do you think for people trying to find their own path, or even realizing they have a path?
Speaker 2 16:30
Um, it's kind of hard to say, because for me it was, it was really just having these problems and speaking to somebody about them, but I remember one of the main things we spoke about when I first started going to counseling was you need to have a distinction between things you actually can control and things that you can't, and not, I had such a like hard time not being able to like grasp that before, and then once I got that, I would have to sit myself down and work it out in my mind. Okay, I'm so upset, but it's out of my control. I need to not
Speaker 3 17:05
wow,
Speaker 2 17:05
and I need to work
Speaker 4 17:07
it out
Speaker 2 17:07
and make myself feel okay with it, and to be able to get out of it. And that was probably the biggest stepping stone that kind of brought me into a better mindset. And then from there, it obviously just, you know, different building blocks, but I think that's really important, and I see a lot of some people my age are struggling, or like with certain things in their life, and they just see things from maybe that point of view, and I think a lot of it also has to do with like how much you actually love yourself and like your confidence, because that was a big part of it for me.
Speaker 1 17:37
Well, and it's interesting because I always wonder about, you know where self-love comes from, because sometimes people think, I mean, obviously a lot of the world thinks it's from accomplishment, right? If I do this, if I do that, if I do this, you know, it increases my sense of credibility and value, and all of that, but I'm actually hearing from you that learning how to navigate life kind of opened that possibility,
Speaker 2 18:01
yeah. And it did absolutely, and not feeling so much like I think before that I always thought that, like, the idea of success was like I need to have like a really, you know, cool good job and like make good money and like follow all the things, but then I was like realize obviously that I don't need to do that and I can do meaningful things that don't have to do with, you know, like a really cool job or something like that, and I just love people and stuff, so I find a lot of that comes from like my connections with people and like conversations. Yeah, but yeah,
Speaker 1 18:34
so you're living a somewhat typical, somewhat atypical lifestyle right now, where you are, you know, you've got a couple of careers simultaneously, or maybe a career in a job, I don't know how you would classify it, and then you're taking time off and you're traveling and you're exposing yourself to different things, so whereas I am sure a lot of people in your age are perhaps going down different paths where they're kind of on that track, to like, okay, building my career, gonna meet mr. or mrs. Wright, gonna get the house, have the baby, whatever. I think what I see in you is a little bit of a different path, a little bit more of your own path. So, is that accurate? First,
Speaker 2 19:19
yeah, definitely. I thought that it would be the other way around, obviously. When I was, you know, dating my ex-boyfriend, I thought things were gonna, you know, I just saw my life in a way, like, obviously I'm really in love, and like, I want to be together, and like, blah blah blah blah. And then once I, you know, had my big reaction to us moving in together, and realized, okay, just kidding, I really don't want this. I called you crying that day. It kind of pushed me in the opposite direction, so I, you know, did the opposite, and I just had fun and enjoyed. And now I feel like, you know, going into my next relationship, it gives me a bit of a better idea of it doesn't have to be one way.
Speaker 1 20:00
Right, or the other, you know? Right, yeah. Well, it seems to me like you're cracking the code that it's all made up anyway. Yeah, exactly. That there is no official way to live, but if you look around at life, it seems like everybody thinks that. Hey, you're listening to the Squeeze, and if you like what you're hearing, there's a whole world of citrus couching to discover. We've got an online leadership program, it's called Citrus You, and it features those three key tools you need to be a better leader, well, to be a better human. We also have a number of mini learning bundles that you can get into, and there's plenty more. If you're interested, you can follow us on Instagram or check out our website@www.citruscoaching.com and the show resumes now. Okay, so I have a question for you. So I want you to imagine that you can time travel back, let's go five years. Okay, so you're going back in a time traveling machine, and you're going to encounter yourself five years from now. What advice you're going to tell yourself then that that version of you most needs to know in order to get to where you are now?
Speaker 2 21:16
Okay, five years ago I would have been about 20 to so honestly, five years ago was about when things started to get better, like pretty much exactly then. Yeah, pretty much exactly then. So, I mean, should we go
Speaker 1 21:31
further back?
Speaker 2 21:32
We could, because at this point I would say I wouldn't really give myself any advice, because I feel like the way I did things from then on was great, because I love where I am now, and I wouldn't want you know.
Speaker 1 21:41
Okay, so let's go further back. Let's go seven years. Would that be a good time to drop in?
Speaker 2 21:48
Yeah, probably. So you're
Speaker 1 21:49
sitting there seven years ago, and your future self just bloop pops up in front of you, and she says, what?
Speaker 2 21:58
I would give myself a really big squish, a big hug,
Speaker 1 22:01
squish what cool kids call a hug,
Speaker 2 22:05
I think. So, maybe they just say it in English. That's
Speaker 1 22:07
cute. A
Speaker 2 22:07
big squish.
Speaker 1 22:08
Oh, I love it. That's great.
Speaker 2 22:10
Yeah, I would give myself a big squish, and I don't like to give people advice. I really don't like to give yourself, but I also wouldn't really give myself much advice. All I would say would be, I love you. Yeah, you should love you. Yeah, you're awesome, you'll do great things. Yeah, stop worrying. So, maybe
Speaker 1 22:30
reassurance as well, just
Speaker 2 22:32
reassurance. Yeah,
Speaker 1 22:33
okay,
Speaker 2 22:33
yeah,
Speaker 1 22:34
okay. So, let's flip it now. You're going 10 years into the future. No, no, no, let's do it the opposite. Let's have your future self from 10 years,
Speaker 2 22:42
okay?
Speaker 1 22:43
Popping back here, okay?
Speaker 5 22:44
Bloop,
Speaker 1 22:45
here she is. What's going on? What's the conversation like? Is it advice or something different?
Speaker 2 22:53
Um, what is.. what am I future me gonna say to me?
Speaker 6 22:56
Yep.
Speaker 3 22:57
Oh God,
Speaker 2 23:00
I don't know. I have no idea. I would probably guess about the same thing.
Speaker 1 23:05
Do you have any idea what she's wearing?
Speaker 2 23:08
A black vest, button up, and black trousers, very
Speaker 4 23:18
chic.
Speaker 2 23:18
Just, you know,
Speaker 1 23:19
does she have shoes on?
Speaker 2 23:20
Yeah,
Speaker 1 23:21
yeah,
Speaker 2 23:21
yeah, yeah, she's wearing sneakers,
Speaker 1 23:22
yeah,
Speaker 2 23:23
she's cool, she's trendy,
Speaker 1 23:25
yeah,
Speaker 7 23:26
yeah.
Speaker 1 23:27
So, just to start to wrap us up a little bit, as we've gone almost 20 minutes now. So, okay, one thing I'm aware of when I look around is that a lot of younger people are really struggling, and I know this because I coach a lot of leaders who have kids your age and I hear about anxiety issues all the time, and it's, and I mean, I know that from just, you know, the trends that I see in articles, and so on. So, like, what is missing for these folks? Like, somehow you dodged a bullet, right? And we talked a little bit about that process, and counseling sounds like a big game changer for you. I don't want to lead you, but I kind of do, because I want to kind of check it out. So, when we look at, I'll call it the impossible standards online, do you think that plays a role?
Speaker 2 24:19
Yeah, I definitely do like it really influences the way people live their lives in a way that they think looks good, and like there's just an image that you want to uphold.
Speaker 1 24:30
Yeah,
Speaker 2 24:30
and even if you're not upholding it, there's always going to be that thought in the back of your mind as maybe not being as equal to those people who are maybe like that, you know? Right.
Speaker 1 24:39
So, kind of going less than,
Speaker 2 24:40
yeah, there's always like it's hard to, so hard to not compare yourself. That was like one of the big things that took me a long time to get away from, and still sometimes I catch myself doing it, but it's a lot better. But that's like the killer of confidence, and like liking yourself is when you're just comparing yourself to someone else. There's always going to be someone who's. More this or more that than what you are, and if you dwell on those things forever, like they'll just drive you insane. And I have a friend who does that all the time, and also compares herself to her old self, who she misses.
Speaker 1 25:12
Wow,
Speaker 2 25:12
and wants to be so desperately that she can't be happy right now, and struggles a lot because she's not who she used to be, especially in a physical sense, like looks wise, so her body's
Speaker 1 25:26
changed, her face has changed,
Speaker 2 25:28
yeah, yeah, and I look at her and I think she's just, she's just three years older, you know, yeah, maybe not as, like, you know, bit of a different weight, maybe, but even then I just look at her, I'm like, you're just so beautiful, and she doesn't see it at
Speaker 8 25:44
all,
Speaker 2 25:45
and it's, yeah, it's the killer of all the good things. Yeah.
Speaker 1 25:49
Well, how do you feel about you as a projection screen for others? Because you're someone who's, you know, very beautiful, young. I know you make that funny face. She's making a funny face when I say that, but there's a certain way in which beauty can be somewhat what I want to say, like almost verifiable, you know? You're not ugly, and so there are probably ways in which your Insta in Snapchat, or whatever, that there's probably people that are projecting onto your image, how does that make you feel? If, like, do you do you know that people probably compare themselves to you and feel less than?
Speaker 2 26:29
No, I don't even think about that thought of it at all.
Speaker 1 26:33
Does that make you uncomfortable?
Speaker 2 26:35
Um, in a way, yeah, like it makes me feel bad.
Speaker 1 26:41
Oh, interesting, because I
Speaker 2 26:42
really wouldn't want someone to do that, because I can say, yeah, I think I am attractive, and you know I'm happy with myself, but I look completely different than like my other friend over here, and we have all these different things going on, and I just think she is so beautiful and such a great person. So everyone's just, you need to be unique, like have your thing, and yeah, be your person, and yeah, you're born the way you're born. You just got to look that way, and yeah, work with it. And everyone's just like, good how they are, yeah. And I would be uncomfortable, yeah. I guess I'm somewhat uncomfortable knowing that someone would rather be more like me than themselves. That's
Speaker 1 27:19
yeah, and it's interesting, because I know, excuse me, I know I'm intentionally bringing up something, which is the power, like physical attraction power, right? It is an actual thing, right? So, there's like people have like intellectual power, they have like expert power, they have financial power, like there's a lot of different types of power, and beauty is the type of power, and it's measurable, and so I raise it not as a, you know, a place to have you go, oh, that feels weird, and but more as a way to like when we understand it, because the thing about power, and this is something I talked a lot about in the last podcast, was that when we have power, we're often very unaware of it, so I was giving the example that I was in a room of other coaches with 20 plus years of experience, and I didn't even think about that fact, because I didn't have to, whereas when I started out as a coach, and I was brand new, and I was in a room with coaches who were masters coaches, I was walking around with my little beggar bowl, I knew I didn't have power, so I guess what I'm wondering is, what would it be like for you to consider beauty as a power that you have, not in a way to feel bad about, but in a way to, like, be aware, you know, that other people who maybe don't have the blessing of your genes, like, might actually see you that way, not to feel bad about it, because your genetics are not your, like, you didn't decide to be born this way, but to know how to leverage those relationships, is that, does that seem strange or interesting, or
Speaker 2 28:52
it does seem a bit strange to do that, because I don't know, like, looks is just such a weird thing to have a power just because of the way you're born, in a way. Yeah, I don't know, I can't even.. I've had something I was gonna say, but I can't remember.
Speaker 1 29:12
Yeah, well, and I'm not like I'm not surprised that it creates a little bit of, like, you know, you can't see Hannah's experience, her expression right now, but yeah, there's a little, yeah, and so what I want to offer is like that it's actually just information, it's not like a good or a bad thing, and like, so for instance, you know what, you could be at a party with people who are all like super rich, and you know you don't have money, you know, you're walking around in that experience, so what I would tell somebody who has a lot of money, if they were interested in open and they wanted relationship and they were interested in their impact, is I would say just beware when you're around people who have less money than you. Now, it gets all weird with looks, right, because you're like, oh, that's so arrogant, whereas money, you can look at. A number on a bank account, yeah. Say it's verifiable, but you know there's a lot of research and a lot of literature on what we call conventional standards of beauty, and there's been studies around the world about what what we classify as beauty. So I think there is some kind of verifiable stuff there. So maybe it's just now I feel like I'm coaching you a bit, and I'm really not, but more like just to be curious about that.
Speaker 2 30:27
I think in my experience it's made me a bit uncomfortable, because the thing that's coming to mind is times when I've dated people who are less conventionally attractive, maybe the I always get the same response when things don't work out. It's, oh, you could have done better, but I'm thinking to myself, no, I couldn't have. He was fantastic, he was like a beautiful human being, but just his vessel wasn't what you expected, for you know,
Speaker 1 30:58
yeah.
Speaker 2 30:58
What I deserve, like, I think that's so weird, so it makes me uncomfortable, think about, you know, myself in a different position as someone who's less conventionally attractive, because I see it very even,
Speaker 1 31:10
yeah. And so what we're talking about is not what the culture generally talks about, right? And yet it's the culture that sets these standards, and then the culture says, but we mustn't talk about them, so it's a little bit crazy making, yeah, but it is a reality, and as a woman who is aging and is letting go of beauty, that process is fascinating to me, because I can feel it and I can see it. So there is a way that when I was younger it was a commodity, and I just didn't recognize it as such.
Speaker 2 31:43
Yeah,
Speaker 1 31:43
so things like, you know, I could easily say that I made a lot of my own path by just deciding to, like, I wanted to work in aviation, and so I, you know, I got a list of all these businesses, and I just went around and knocked on doors and got tours, and I ended up getting, you know, a job offer, and I got into management that way, but when I look back and I look through this lens, I go, damn, that was probably using, I was, I was probably cashing in some of my attractiveness chips, or whatever, for lack of a better word, and so again, I really want to emphasize, like, if you're listening, it's not about it's a good or a bad thing, I think that the secret to life is understanding the rules of the game, not that you want to agree with them, but just understanding how people are playing, because then you can, you can leverage that, because if you don't see it, so I've seen a lot of people with power who don't know they have it, and they can make a big mess, whether it's positional power, like their VP, or like financial or expert power, whatever, or beauty. Yeah, so I just.. I'm kind of making ties into my last podcast, but that's what I'm going to do, because it's all a big jumble in my own head, right? Bad neighborhood, don't want to go in there alone. Okay, so as we start to wind up, we got talking about movies, connection to just understanding people, which led to a little bit of understanding of how you have found your path, what makes you excited, and that you are now really interested in how everybody else ticks and what's going on for them. So, what do you see in terms of, like, I know you're working on psychology at university, so do you have a kind of a dream and not end point, because there's no end until we're six feet under, but like next fate,
Speaker 2 33:34
I don't, I just want to finish school, get my degree, but also I know that I love psychology, and I want to leave myself open to finding exactly what area I find most interesting, and what I want to do, and I think if I don't really like to make, you know, solid goals, because I know that things like so much is all the time, so I will, you know, leave it open, but get my degree, and then I probably want to do a master's or something, just like get up there and then find something that I really enjoy. Yeah,
Speaker 1 34:07
cool. Okay. Well, this was unconventional, I can promise you. We're not planned. We just spontaneously jumped on because Hannah rolled over here, and I was going to record a podcast episode anyway. So I want to acknowledge you for your openness to doing it, and yeah, thanks for being here. And until next time, so you've been listening to The Squeeze. Thanks for joining us today. If you want to continue tuning in, don't forget to click subscribe, and as always, we want to hear your thoughts, your comments, your feedback, and challenges. If there's anything you don't agree with, thanks for joining us, and see you next time.
Unknown Speaker 34:53
Bye.