Embracing Personal Mastery: How to succeed inside large organizational patterns

Ever wondered how understanding large organizational  patterns can transform your leadership journey? In this episode of The Squeeze, we're diving deep into the world of leadership development and organizational life, with a special focus on personal mastery. Drawing from my 20+ years of experience, I'll share how leaders can cultivate self-awareness, manage stress, and navigate the tricky cultural norms that often stand in the way of growth.

I’ll chat about polarity theory and other large system patterns that operate in the background and what that means for you as a leader. We'll also talk about why personal mastery is the foundation of effective leadership and offer some practical tips to help you boost your self-awareness and resilience.

And as with everything I share on the podcast, these are my opinions and viewpoints based on what I’ve read and researched. But please don’t take my word for it. Keep what sticks, discard the rest and for goodness sakes, go out and test drive it!

Quotes:

“You are your organization.” - Christina Sestan

“We can only work with others to the extent we can work with ourselves.” - Christina Sestan

“We tell ourselves whatever story we need to keep working harder.” - Christina Sestan

What You’ll Learn In Today’s Episode:

• The impact of large system patterns  on organizational norms and leadership dynamics.

• How personal mastery can transform leadership effectiveness and organizational outcomes.

• Practical strategies for leaders to develop self-awareness and overcome overwhelm.

• Insights into the implicit cultural norms that hinder personal and professional growth.

• How to create and protect time for reflection and personal development.

Resources:

Download The Leadership Audit

• Read the Full Transcript

  Speaker 1 0:00

  Hi, it's Christina. Thanks for joining us, and welcome to the squeeze.

  Speaker 1 0:13

  We can only work with others to the extent we can work with ourselves.

  Speaker 1 0:28

  Steve, hey, thanks for being with me today. As many of you know, if you've been listening to the podcast for a while, or you've worked with me in some capacity before, I pretty much make my living through developing leaders. And I know a lot of previous episodes are covering topics that are pretty unrelated, and that's simply because I've got a lot of interests, but I thought it might be time for me to put some dedicated energy into sharing the thing that I seem to have built some expertise in over the last 20 plus years. And it is kind of weird to reflect back on those years in this work, because I can promise you, I didn't grow up aspiring to work in leadership development. In fact, I didn't even know it was a thing for the first chunk of my life. I think it's safer to say, like for many of us, it found me and of course, as a passionate student of human nature, this was a happy little coincidence, because it afforded me lots of opportunity to dabble in the pursuit of what is it that makes us tick? I mean, if you can't see human nature in action in an organizational setting, where can you and I realized that all these years later, I've gained a pretty valuable vantage point, and I think it comes from being around long enough to witness more than a few cycles within organizational life, I've been able to spot patterns and think, Hey, I've seen this before. Did we go through this a few years back? I wonder, why is this happening again? It's actually a pretty humbling but what I would call incredibly useful perspective, and it's also a world away from my early years when I was just entering the whole leadership coaching scene, because, of course, I was so confident back then, I thought I knew how all the underlying issues that were hidden within these massive system dynamics could be addressed with what I now recognize as pretty woefully inadequate proposals. And I'm grateful to those early colleagues for showing me so much grace back then. Look, it was one of those cases of being incredibly well versed in hammers that was coaching for me, and then imagining every situation was a nail. And I do cringe a little bit remembering how confidently I was pointing out, you know, oh, the proverbial iceberg ahead, while, of course, sailing right past a lot of subtlety and nuance that my more seasoned colleagues were probably aware of, I think, in my haze to add value, I simply wasn't looking more deeply for any larger patterns running in the background, patterns that had been operating long before I got there and undoubtedly have continued since leaving. Let me explain what I mean when I describe larger patterns in the background. There's a concept I encountered during my master's program. It's called polarity theory. You might have heard of it. Polarity theory is a framework for understanding complex problems that can't be solved in traditional ways because they consist of opposing yet complementary elements that take place in a timeframe that, frankly, is pretty tricky to see. Most people don't or can't, step back far enough to see the interrelatedness between what appear on the surface to be pretty opposing elements. I'll include a polarity map in the show notes if you're interested in exploring it further. But let me give you an example, and this is one from healthcare. So back in 2015 one of the health authorities where I was working was undergoing a fairly major restructure from being program based to site based and in healthcare operations can be structured around specific lines of service, like cardiology, oncology, mental health, etc, regardless of the physical location where they exist. This approach focuses on delivering specialized care across multiple sites, and its goal is to ensure consistency and coordination of services within each program, but healthcare can also be structured around physical locations, such as hospitals, clinics and other healthcare facilities, where each site operates somewhat independently with its own management team responsible for all the services and departments within that location. You can see that while both may be beneficial, they certainly cannot both be run simultaneously. At the time of the restructuring, I saw lots of turmoil and upset resulting from what looked to me like a lot of unnecessary upheaval. I heard arguments for and against one side claiming that the move would improve patient care by leveraging specialization, ensuring consistency, but the other side claimed the move would damage community relationships, operational efficiency and innovation. I watched some leaders resist and others drive forward. From my vantage point, I chalked it up to, well, this is just the new leadership at the top. Wanting to come in and make a change, it was clear that only one approach could be applied at a time, so why not just stick with what was already in play, the negative impact of patient care resulting from a huge restructuring just didn't seem like something we can afford. But then one day, I was talking to someone who'd been around in healthcare a lot longer than I had, and they were atypically calm about the whole thing. I wouldn't have described them as checked out, but neither were they passionately advocating when I probed their explanation, gave me my first real life example of polarity theory in action. It seems that if you were to look at the data on average, health authorities seem to swing between these two polls, program based or site based, about every six to seven years or so. Suddenly I was seeing a bigger game. Because you see, both poles were necessary, but couldn't exist simultaneously. And as you can imagine, eventually the benefits of one start to become eclipsed by the detriments of not having the other and so a swing is initiated, to quote, unquote, right, the balance. And by the way, I'm not suggesting that whoever initiated this change in the first place was necessarily privy to the larger pattern. Maybe they were, but often we just react because we're getting too much of what we don't want. I couldn't get over my insight, and I thought to myself that if everyone going through the change could see what this even keeled leader could see, perhaps there would be a lot less collateral damage to the mental health of the leaders caught up in the change, while healthcare may be an unfamiliar example to you, perhaps you're familiar with The popular swing between centralization and decentralization. It's the same polarity pattern. So that's what I meant when I was talking about my vantage point earlier, after years of exposure, I have afforded myself a view of a bigger game that's operating behind the day to day. And notice I didn't say the bigger game, because by its very nature, there will always be games bigger than the one I can see now. What I see in five years, for instance, will inevitably different and more expansive than the one I see now. It's not going to eradicate this one. It will include it, and it will also be bigger, in the words of modern day philosopher Ken Wilber, what I can see right now, it's true, but it's only partial, and this is a pretty great practice of humility that leads to some powerful insights. And by the way, I'm not saying organizational leaders can't achieve the powerful vantage points that I'm talking about. Of course you can, and you probably do, just as the leader I referenced a moment ago, I'm just saying that it can be a bit more difficult to find that level of objectivity that is necessary for revealing those valuable glimpses of deeper system patterns driving many of the organizational outcomes that you see every day, and perhaps wish you didn't. The chief barrier to this is that it's really difficult to sidestep your own busyness long enough to see something bigger than your day to day vantage point, your busyness, by virtue, forces you into a kind of in the weeds perspective where you can easily latch on to a limited, but very common belief that it's just a matter of time before your efforts pay off and you can climb out from under your staggeringly big plate of responsibility. One day you tell yourself you're going to find balance, one day you're going to have a happy, performing team that hits all its metrics. And I know you've probably said this to yourself at some point in your career, because, as Brene Brown says in her original TED talk about vulnerability and shame, I hack into your lives for a living, and after 1000s of conversations with leaders, I know what you tell yourself, and I also know that a quote in the weeds perspective will only ever net you one sure outcome, and that is more of the same kind of depressing, right? Undoubtedly, you already know what I'm saying is true, but before you pick up that big stick and start whacking yourself. Remember, most of the drive to stay in the weeds comes from an unconscious compulsion that I'm going to explain a lot more about shortly. I'm writing this episode for the same reason that Ronald short gave for writing his book learning in relationships, that he wrote back in 1998 highly recommended and I'll add the reference to the show notes. Quote, those professional years have given me a window into reality that I simply have to share an end quote. I understand his drive. I'm pretty sure the information and insights that I hold around leadership development and larger organizational patterns are valuable and can benefit others, and so I naturally feel something of a moral duty to disseminate that knowledge with you here.

  Speaker 1 9:45

  But there's also something else driving this episode, which, by the way, it's really shown up very spontaneously and pretty effortlessly this weekend, and that is the day to day reality of a steady. Stream of overwhelmed and stressed out leaders that continue to cross my threshold every day looking for support. It's been like this for years, and it's a little agonizing, seeing the same patterns over and over, hearing the frustration, the anxiety and disillusionment leaders are facing the same pitfalls and patterns that I've been witnessing for eons. The whole scene just starts to look pretty normal, and that is, of course, a big part of the problem. It's why I created an online program called citrus you that focuses entirely on personal mastery. You can check it out on my site if you're interested, and I hope you do, because I wish more leaders were finding the avenues they need to support themselves in doing this deeper learning that's necessary to change the entrenched challenges that they face every day. So that's what this podcast is about, big picture insights about organizational life and leadership development that I think you might need to know. So now might be a good time to reflect for a second on that old trope. What is the definition of insanity? You know what I'm talking about. It's when an organization does the same thing over and over again, in this case, driving leaders to go harder and harder, but then acts surprised as the list of stress leaves grows. I'll talk about the organizational pattern of conflating the relentless drive with what it means to be successful a bit later, but first we need to get clear on how I'm using the word organization here, before your ego starts rubbing its little hands together, thinking, great, let's get the bastards who are responsible for driving us so hard. I'll start by asking you a question when I reference organizations, as in, organizations keep doing the same thing over and over, what do you think of? Who do you think of? Do you think of a bunch of disconnected guys, way up the hierarchy that need to get their you know, what, sorted out so we can all run more effectively? And that leads me to my first key insight, you are your organization as dearly as we'd all love to point the finger at those we believe are causing the kind of havoc that makes organizational life hard. The simple fact is this, an organization is not out there outside of you. It's not one person, or even that bunch of disconnected guys way up the chain who need to figure their you know what? Out it's not that simple. I know I wasted a lot of time in that mythical cul de sac, blaming others and waiting for them to change. Ronald short sums it up beautifully. Quote, without you, your organization doesn't exist. Any effort to change your organization has to begin with you and your specific interactions with specific individuals. End quote, he goes on, quote, this unstated message in almost every group that I have observed is everybody else, the boss the company has to make everything okay for me before they can expect me to fully participate. End quote. Sound familiar? It should that's organizational life in a nutshell. We're all waiting for someone else to step up first, and this pitfall will be crucial for us later when it comes to strategizing our way through some of these challenges. Because clearly, any strategy that is dependent on others doing or not doing something is, in effect, pretty shaky from the start, keep this in mind, and so from this point forward, when I use the word organization, let's assume I'm talking about you. Okay, time for my second key insight. Ready? Personal mastery is the heartbeat of effective leadership as a foundational component of leadership development, the other two being leading others and influencing the system. Personal mastery is intimately tied to organizational success. I'll elaborate. Your success as a leader goes way beyond acquiring skills to succeed, you need to play nicely with other people, and the higher you go up in an organization, by the way, the more people you need to play nicely with. Personal mastery is a continuous journey of self exploration. It teaches us about ourself, and by extension, it opens a window of possibilities for how we can understand everyone else. We can only work with others to the extent we can work with ourselves, leaders who take their own personal mastery seriously gain a deeper understanding and acceptance of their strengths and weaknesses. They better manage their emotions, and they're able to tap into core values to drive action from a place of powerful motivation and engagement, they're continually open, not just to what they think, but how they're thinking, recognizing that all perspectives have limits. They strive towards curiosity instead of MRI, no, not the very expensive and very noisy piece of medical equipment. I mean MRI. As in most respectful interpretation, the deeper their self knowledge, the more inner stability they experience, which translates to authentic actions and greater resilience. This is not about perfection or being the best. It's about being real in a world of superficiality. But as you can imagine, leaders like this tend to be rare. The ones who do exist are usually well known, though not always officially recognized. They can become what I call destination bosses, you know, the person everybody wants to work for, and the organization, of course, benefits immensely. I'm going to give you a few examples of personal mastery in action, and by the way, these are all based off real life examples. So a leader who is committed to a journey of self awareness will be, by virtue, more attentive and curious about the frustration they feel trying to get a word in edgewise in a meeting. This means they will be more apt to examine their own experience, which could lead them to recognize that the way they like to participate is to have a few moments to think before speaking, which they may or may not have learned is often referred to as introversion, but to a room of verbal processors, their silence might convey they have nothing to say, And so the conversation continues, whether they've had a chance to weigh in or not. Armed with this insight, the leader reaches out to meeting facilitators beforehand for copies of the agenda so they can do advanced thinking and arrive at the meeting with well formed thoughts during the meeting, they might even suggest little micro breaks to allow themselves and other people who need think space, time to catch up, and over time, their actions wind up expanding the meeting norms around participation, leading to more valuable outcomes and overall higher participation. Here's another example, so a leader who regularly reflects is undoubtedly familiar with their own tendency to shy away from conflict and uncomfortable emotions. So when they're tasked with delivering challenging news to an employee later today, they've already set aside some extra time to prepare, because they know they need it. They've got plenty of negative experiences from the past to draw on. They start by acknowledging their hesitancy, reminding themselves of what they're afraid of. This is not new territory. They're afraid of upsetting the other person. They're afraid of being disliked, or even some form of retaliation or just general group gossip. And while these fears could come to pass, this is also not their first rodeo, and their success log, yes, an actual document containing examples of the challenges they've overcome in the past provides real data that helps eradicate some of those fears. They remind themselves that this conversation is for the benefit of the employee, and that withholding feedback actually puts the employee at a disadvantage. This gives one more bump of courage and motivation. And then lastly, they jot down a few notes to bring with them, because they know that when they're nervous or anxious, they easily lose track of their thoughts, and having something in writing is going to help them stay on track so they can convey the message with care and empathy. Here's another example,

  Speaker 1 18:20

  a leader has been given feedback that they can be highly reactive to tight deadlines. In the past, their tendency might have been to deflect, downplay or dispute the feedback, but because of their growing self reflection practice, they've learned it's possible to explore your own behavior in a non judgmental way that can actually lead to valuable insights. Instead of shame, they realize that becoming more controlling and demanding was simply their way to try and protect against feelings of insecurity at not being able to keep up After reflecting on the feedback, they share their insights openly and transparently with the team to foster trust and also to role model vulnerability, while making it safe for the team to be more self reflective. Additionally, they go on to invite the team to hold them accountable to delegating and seeking additional support if and when the pressure starts to creep up again. One more example, a leader has realized that their tendency to micromanage usually increases when they feel under a microscope about their own performance, even though they understand how disempowering it is for their team. It's a tough pattern to shake. While their intention is to address their own performance anxiety with a trusted colleague before it gets to this stage, they have enough self compassion to know that they won't always get in front of it, they've developed a corrective strategy for when they find themselves in the weeds that starts with reminding themselves of their own track record so they can relax and breathe a little easier. Next, they double down on communicating a clear vision, inviting team ownership and trusting that they'll flourish you. I wanted to give these real life examples of what's possible when a leader commits themselves to the journey of personal mastery. And that's because I think the idea, or the concept of personal mastery is somewhat confusing for a lot of people. It's really easy to talk about it, but to actually see the behavior in action, I think, is useful. And I don't think it's hard to imagine the benefits to the team, to the organization, and, of course, to the leader themselves. So investing in personal mastery is the secret sauce that turns good leaders into great ones. And I'm I'm like, I'm gagging as I'm saying that. It sounds like a commercial, I know, but it's not that simple. Because if it were, I think we would see more of these leaders in organizational life. They're not they're not non existent, but they are kind of elusive. I see a lot more leaders heading in the direction of the overwhelm trap, unfortunately. So what gives I'm confident that those of you listening are picking up what I'm putting down. You're probably already aligned with this notion of personal mastery. So then let's turn the spotlight on you and your own development for a second. How much are you investing in your own personal mastery? Maybe not as much as you'd like. Maybe I'm wrong, but again, I talk to a lot of leaders, so I feel kind of safe making the assumption. If that's the case, let's look at what's getting in the way. And now it's time for my third key insight, your implicit organizational culture may actively be thwarting personal mastery. Sounds interesting. This is what I was referring to earlier when I described the organizational pattern of conflating success with a relentless drive forward. Think about it. We all know that focusing on development can be a game changer. We also probably have the support of our organization. Certainly, every organization I work with is committed to employee well being and better balance dedicating lots of resources towards workshops and coaching and leadership programs. Yet, why aren't the results bigger? What's going on here? And by the way, time is not the issue, though, most people would guess that it is. Take a look at the culture in your organization, not what's written on the website. That's your organization's explicit culture, and that's made up of a bunch of formally articulated things, like mission statements, visions and likely even official statements and policies that promote support and well being for leaders. No what I'm pointing to is the implicit or invisible culture that isn't officially documented but is widely understood. Implicit culture is defined as, quote, The way things are really done around here. End quote, It is powerful, and it can be incredibly resistant to change, as management consultant Peter Drucker is rather famously quoted as saying, quote, culture eats strategy for breakfast. End, quote, implicit culture is usually shaped by a combination of factors, chief among them, past history and the attitudes and actions of influential leaders over the years. I'll talk more about that in a moment, but first, it's helpful to understand how implicit culture endures. Social confirmation bias pressures individuals to conform and align with whatever the prevailing attitudes, behaviors and norms are within the workplace for the purpose of gaining acceptance and approval from peers and superiors. It comes from a strong desire to fit in. Think high school, your deep rooted need for belonging makes you sensitive to social cues and pressures, leading you to conform to group norms and behaviors to avoid rejection, even when they're unhealthy or unsustainable. Again, think high school certain implicit norms in your organization may be making it exceedingly difficult to focus on your own growth and development, even though we've already agreed that personal mastery is a good thing to help illuminate the implicit culture in your organization, let me ask you a question, have you ever had the demands on your existing role increase without a promotion or additional pay? Perhaps you were asked to pick up workload for someone on leave. Maybe your department was just restructured, leaving you with additional responsibilities. What did you do? Did you throw up your hands and surrender, or did you barge into your boss's office and tell them to pound sand? Or did you grumble a bit and then just put your head down and keep working? Now, if you have ever found yourself in that situation that I just described, did things eventually return to normal. If you answered yes, congratulations, you dodged a bullet, and most people would report that additional demands don't usually go anywhere, they just become the new normal. Hey, leaders, I have a new leadership audit tool for you. This self assessment. Helps you benchmark your leadership across personal mastery, leading others and influencing systems. I created it because I've seen so many leaders thrust into roles with next to no leadership training, leaving them to cobble together solutions. The assessment not only provides a benchmark, but it's also going to prompt you to design a plan forward and then challenge you to take action. Visit the show notes, click the link and I'll send you a digital copy. Here's what I think the implicit culture might be in your organization. Check it out that relentlessly driving forward is how you achieve success. Another way to illuminate implicit culture is to observe meeting norms. When I first started working in healthcare, many years ago, the norms were easy to spot as someone who likes to arrive early enough to engage with others while my brain catches up, I found it a bit disconcerting that people would rush in the door, either right on the.or even a few minutes late, a steady stream of people coming and going, or in the case of virtual meetings, cameras switching on and off, created a continual distraction through that throughout the meeting, those who remained ping pong between their devices, and the only person who seemed to be paying attention was the meeting chair, even before the meeting had come to an end, people packed up and left or simply signed off. If we were online, everyone seemed to have another meeting to get to. Clearly having no buffer time in between for transitions, I couldn't help imagining the stress everyone would feel at the end of the day, when they finally had a moment to reflect on their packed schedules and how their time had been consumed. I just kept thinking of that meme I'd seen online once a long time ago that said I just survived another meeting that could have been an email. The implicit healthcare norms promoted a lot of meetings and a lot of hustle and a lot of stress. I wonder if you're relating

  Speaker 1 27:02

  in many of the organizations that I work with, implicit culture manifests as unrealistic performance demands, unspoken pressure to prioritize work over personal life, and a real reluctance to acknowledge or address burnout, except from a symptomatic focus with lots of emphasis on things like mindfulness and meditation, which kind of place the burden of a solution on the employee, the disconnection between organizations stated values and the everyday experience of its employees predictably leads to a lot of frustration and decreased morale for anyone paying attention, even if no one actually comes right out and tells You they have a problem with you deviating from the relentless drive towards a more reflective, grounded or slower paced approach. Read, I'm not available to attend your meeting because I'm taking some planning time, or I'm not able to pick up that new project right now because I'm full, or I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to handle that tomorrow as I'm leaving work for the day. Now, do you worry how you might be perceived or judged? Do you even wonder if it might be somewhat career limiting? All of these examples are out of alignment with the status quo, and by challenging that, you're going up against a deep, rooted need for belonging, and that can leave you feeling very vulnerable. I want to just take a moment to help you understand some of the very common implicit cultural norms a little better. You see, historically, productivity and financial performance have been the main drivers in organizations. This focus emerged from the Industrial Revolution, which emphasized efficiency and output to maximize profit. The early 20th century saw the rise of Frederick Winslow Taylor's scientific management theory, further reinforcing the importance of productivity metrics and optimization of everything. Financial Performance has always been critical as it directly impacts an organization's survival, growth and ability to deliver crucial services. However, this emphasis often led to a neglect of employee well being and sustainable practices, a trend that many organizations today are obviously attempting to reverse, but it's tricky for a few reasons. Firstly, past leaders who achieve success through relentless work often set a very high bar that employees and new leaders who rose through the ranks under the old system may have unconsciously absorbed and brought forward historical recognition systems that rewarded overwork and results, rather than sustainable practices are still in evidence today. Within the old system, many leaders derived a sense of identity and self worth from their high achievements and work intensity, this evolved into environments where overworking came to be seen as a badge of honor. Competitive individuals thrive in environments where performance metrics and visible achievements are paramount. They often push themselves and others to extremes to maintain or. Surpass their status, their success stories become templates for others, perpetuating the cycle when it comes to pushing back and trying to buck the old culture leaders are clearly hesitant to put themselves out there, which further reinforces the priority of short term gains over long term well being. If you're having something of a light bulb moment here, hang on to it, write it down or something, because awareness, it turns out, is in short supply, and I'm about to tell you why. And this leads me to my fourth key insight, it's incredibly difficult to recognize that you're in a high pressure environment when you're in said high pressure environment. That's my fourth key insight. We already know that the implicit promotion of unrealistic performance demands can leave leaders feeling overwhelmed. Well, overwhelmed, by its very nature, tends to impair our ability to see the forest for the trees. In other words, when you're overwhelmed, it's really difficult to detect your own distress signals. When you're overwhelmed high stress floods your brain with information, making it difficult to process thoughts clearly, impairing your own self assessment. Stress also impacts the prefrontal cortex, that's the part of the brain that's responsible for higher order thinking, decision making and self regulation. This further diminishes your ability to reflect on your own mental state, these physiological effects combine to create a feedback loop where the overwhelmed state simply perpetuates itself, making it challenging to step back assess the situation and take corrective actions. Perhaps you found yourself in a downward spiral where the more anxious or pressured you feel, the greater your tendency to try to go faster or push harder or work longer hours, none of which, of course, will help. So the sad part for me is hearing some version of the following from the leaders I support. We're just in a really busy phase right now, and of course, implying that it's not permanent and they just need to hang on a bit longer until things go back to normal. It's motivational psychology, 101 we tell ourself whatever story we need to to keep working harder. Remember what happened with the frontline healthcare workers in the first six months of covid 19? They threw themselves into their work, and they went for it. It was incredible to witness amazing acts of teamwork where initiatives that would have taken years in earlier times were achieved in a matter of months. It was incredibly inspiring to watch, and we came out on our front steps to bang pots in gratitude. But around month, six, people started to fatigue and look around for the finish line. Of course, you know listening now how that turned out, but think about what they must have told themselves in order to keep pushing past the six months and then 12 and then 18. For a very long time, there was no known end in sight, and I'm sure many of those frontline workers are still sorting through the effects of trauma, burnout and overwhelm. A couple of years later, to motivate themselves, they had to keep telling themselves some version of a finish line story, all the while having no idea how far away the finish line actually was, or, God forbid, whether it even existed at all. This kind of tenacity, determination and strength, it's inspiring, to be sure, because it demonstrates how incredibly strong the human spirit can be. And in the context of a pandemic, thank God that was the case, we owe a huge debt of gratitude to the essential workers. But humans have limits. We're not built to drive ourselves at those levels indefinitely. Yet, how many people in ordinary post pandemic circumstances cling to a similar finish line story just to keep driving themselves every day at work, even though a finish line is nowhere in sight and may not even exist, it can be painful and difficult to reconcile this, especially if you don't have a clue how to change it. If you're feeling any of that, don't fret. Awareness really is the first step. And I'll circle back to that in a bit. You see, many people in organizations are caught in this classic catch 22 where the more they're engulfed by pressure, the less likely they are to recognize their need for reflection and grounding. In fact, they may even come to regard any suggestion to slow down by well meaning, family, spouse, friends or even colleagues with suspicion. You see, that's how a myopic point of view works. It filters out anything that challenges the singular notion of pushing forward to ensure you reach the finish line, whether it exists or not. The constant state of urgency and emotional hijack makes it nearly impossible to step back and see the bigger picture. And of course, a compounding crazy making factor is when the explicit, organizational. Culture. Read the one on the plaque in the lobby claims to value health and well being, but keeps pulling people out of leadership courses to deal with more pressing issues, this disconnect can lead to some pretty big dips in morale. So what must we do? I want to talk about some thoughts, ideas and insights that I've gleaned for addressing all of this, and that brings me to my fifth key insight, disentangling yourself from the catch 22 of organizational life requires a multi faceted approach.

  Speaker 1 35:38

  I know from listening to leaders, how easy it is to approach this challenge from an efficiency standpoint, which you already know, if you've been paying attention so far in this podcast, isn't going to end well, and that's because an approach that relies on a few tools or how to books gathered along the way will always be insufficient because it doesn't address the systemic nature of the issue that I've been covering Up to this point in the episode, I've witnessed people glomming onto books or tools or three step processes or even a podcast episode they heard driving home from work that they hoped would be the thing that would deliver them from their current state of stress or overwhelm. But this approach can actually wind up increasing their stress while they might cognitively understand and value the tools without a structured approach, they likely won't see any real improvements. This scenario becomes like having someone constantly reminding them that they're not only struggling at work but also failing to implement meaningful change. Essentially, they're creating another measuring stick for themselves without the ability to effectively use it, which compounds their stress and frustration, ask yourself, how many workshops or development sessions have you been to over the years, and how much of what you've learned are you putting into practice? Of course, it's not a zero sum game. Inevitably, you've applied much of what you've learned, but you probably also have some dusty books on your bookshelf. Am I right for you to deviate from the status quo of an unsupportive implicit culture, you need something much more substantial than a cherry picking approach. So what follows are my suggested building blocks. I've arranged them in order of priority, from most to least. That way, if you tune out before the end of the episode, you'll have heard the ones I deem most important, and to introduce the individual building blocks, I want to share my sixth key insight with you. Leadership. Development requires both structure and flow. People tend to value the experience they get from a reflective exercise or practice. If you've ever experienced coaching before, you may recall a feeling of lightness or relief at the end of the session, or maybe you experience strong connection during a workshop. I'm referring to these types of activities as flow reflective processes foster the conditions to understand your experiences more deeply, to recognize patterns and gain insights into your behaviors and decisions, all while equipping you with a motivation and commitment to put things into practice. Reflective practices are essential for growth because they harness the brain's natural capacity for learning and adaptation. Neurologically, reflection enhances brain connections and promotes neuroplasticity, which, in simple terms, helps your brain to employ new behaviors, leading to lasting change. But leaders are not always clear how to replicate those kinds of reflective experiences for themselves, and this is where I'm going to just pop over to the left hemisphere for a moment to shine light on the importance of erecting structures to support you in this work, the structured elements like blocking time on your calendar are crucial for ensuring you consistently engage in developmental activities. You already know that left to your own devices, you will almost certainly not fall into spontaneous contemplation about your tendency to micromanage when you feel insecure. You may obsess a little over it, sure if you're in the middle of it, but that's different. Deeper insights that lead to change need the right conditions to emerge. Think of the structures, like the greenhouse soil and seeds and flow as what emerges from the soil. The first three building blocks address structure. This is going to be followed up by some high level flow type activities, and I'll wrap it up with some more structure. Okay, here goes block reflection times. I'm not kidding. I've supported leaders for over 20 years, and this is the difference that will make the biggest difference, it's like hammering a stake into the future with a flag that shouts, I will be investing dedicated time to my growth and development Tuesdays at 330 for one hour. And for crying out loud, don't stop at one calendar block block every week breaking free of this catch 22 it's tough, and you're going to have to work hard. Matter in the beginning, until you get an established habit in place. And I'll elaborate on a very insidious barrier to that in my next point, go on, then block it. Block it right now. And why not go all the way through to the end of the year, wrestling your calendar into submission not only lets others know what you're up to, which can have the fabulous unintended consequence of inspiring some monkey see monkey do, but it gives you a much needed shot of confidence and relief knowing you're taking a concerted approach to your own health and well being. And by the way, remember when I said earlier that awareness really is the first step. Well, if what I'm saying seems like a good plan or a good idea, do it now. While you're aware, leverage the fact that you're aware right this minute to propel your next wise action. In fact, pause the podcast and do it. You know that the odds are the second you finish this podcast, something entirely unrelated will be waiting to grab your attention, right? The Whirlwind will always be right there waiting. Okay, here's another building block protect your reflection time with barbed wire and guard dogs. This is, of course, a sub category of blocking time. And in all my years doing this work, one of the most insidious patterns I have ever witnessed is the incredible ease with which we give away our own time. You're cringing as you listen to this, aren't you, man, it is painful to think about all the times I've sold myself down that particular river. Everyone does it, and I think much of the ease comes from the pressure of the catch 22 that I've been talking so much about in the first part of this episode. When the organizational culture exerts pressure, we already know who the weak link is. Well, FYI, that has to stop if you have any hope of charting a different course. To help, I want to introduce a bit of a reframe here. Do you believe you're trustworthy. Do you hold trustworthiness up as a virtue of some importance? Do you think it's necessary for people to work together productively? Likely you do. Well, this is where it's going to get a bit Prickly, because if you don't follow through on the commitments you make to yourself, doesn't that call your reliability into question your integrity? Are you not promising one thing yet doing another? I don't know about you, but that doesn't sound terribly trustworthy to me. But of course, if you're like most people, you've been complicit with a very big double standard for quite a while. Now, let me explain. You have one version of commitment for you and one for everyone else. Ouch, but don't despair. I almost want to say, congratulations, you're normal, but I think we've already agreed that normal is half the problem. Set an intention to yourself now that you will improve your trustworthiness and if and when you slip, remind yourself that each new week presents another opportunity to shore up your integrity by staying true to your time commitment for growth and development. This can't help but strengthen your relationship with yourself. Here's another building block. Advertise what you're up to, otherwise known as head them off at the pass. You've already put something on your calendar, which is great, but go one step further by intentionally letting the people around you know what you're doing and why you're doing it. Potential objections can be addressed before they even take root. Explain to them what you've learned, which is that if you don't create the conditions for your own development, it will not happen. Tell them that you are role modeling a healthier way of working. Invite them to examine their own mindset about productivity, and then give clear directions, ie, you will not be available between 330 and 430 and can only be interrupted under specific conditions, which you'll be very clear about. And then follow up afterwards and ask how it went. Chances are good, everything will be fine. And each successive time you do this, you will not only be reinforcing your own habit, but normalizing it for the people around you. Now, now you've got some time set aside what to do with it, what to do with it. So look, the possibilities are endless, and everyone is wired a little differently. So rather than being prescriptive, I'm going to deluge you with a bunch of possibilities. I'll paint a few scenarios, but do mix and match according to what feels right. I'll include a bunch of this in the show notes too, so you can come back and check that out. Start with the end in mind, that's credit to Stephen Covey. One activity I heartily recommend is to map out a simple, high level plan for yourself. You don't have to go all project manager on yourself. Start with a mini gap analysis. Ask yourself, where am I now as a leader? Where do I want to be? And what lies in between? Research supports the. Idea that when leaders take the time to build their vision, it can significantly enhance their own motivation. Having a clear vision can literally pull you forward in spite of challenges and setbacks. A clear vision will also help you to identify training or coaching or mentoring gaps, and I've got lots of resources and maps to help prime your thinking. So please reach out.

  Speaker 1 45:21

  Here's another thing you can do. Do a right here, right now. Check in. You already know this, but the vast majority of us spend the majority of our day doing stuff and precious little time reflecting on why we're doing it, or how we feel about what we're doing, or the emotions we might be stuffing as a result of a particularly difficult meeting, or the lunch we forgot to eat, or the space we neglected the book in between meetings so we had time to use the bathroom, being able to switch between working in your work. That's the day to day transactional tasks and meetings and so on, and working on your work. That's the big picture. Why is this important? Right now? What am I neglecting? What am I not taking the time to see? Where am I ignoring my intuition, and that is such an important part of the muscle of personal mastery. Regular check ins teach you to notice things that help you make better decisions, find motivation, increase your engagement and avoid anything resembling burnout. A simple check in can involve four questions. Number one, what's been happening in your day so far? That's the factual stuff about what you've been up to, and it's kind of a review of your day. Number two, what's taking up the most bandwidth in your mind? That's asking what you're focusing on. Watch what thoughts are getting the most air time? Number three, what emotions are you feeling? That's an obvious one. And number four, what do you want or need right now? Believe it or not, but these four questions will surface a tremendous amount of personal data, leading to some potentially valuable insights that irritability you've been feeling the last few days. Oh, maybe you discover it's resulting from a difficult conversation you're avoiding with your boss. You now have the insight to create an action plan. Regular check ins are a lifestyle habit. Personally, I engage in some version of this every day. Okay, here's another activity. Why not practice a little mindfulness while you're at it. This is another one of those larger than work habits worth cultivating. Look, if you're going to invest the time, you may as well do everything you can to ensure you're showing up fully. Wouldn't it be a waste to spend 80% of the time worrying about something else that needs your attention? I have done more mini grounding exercises with clients over the years than I could ever count. And here's what I have learned, the nervous system can go from oh my god, I have so much to do. I'm so stressed out, to I feel really calm and peaceful, and I can see that I was simply caught in a pattern of overwhelm in about five minutes flat. Imagine the type of big picture thinking you might be capable of when you feel calm and peaceful, and if you don't have a clue where to begin, Google five minute grounding visualizations or ask me for some recommendations. Okay, here's another activity, know thyself. Thank you, Socrates. There are just no shortage of tools to help you get to know yourself better, and most of them are available free from the internet, personality assessments, assertiveness quizzes, confidence builders, feeling wheels, biases, leadership styles and many, many more, you could easily spend a whole block learning more about yourself through one of these lenses. And the more we understand ourselves, the more we can leverage that understanding by strategizing day to day interactions for better outcomes, for bonus points and to deepen your attention, why not share your insights with a trusted colleague, or do a mini Teach Back of the tool with your team? There are a few other pieces to consider in this multi faceted approach. The vast majority of what I've covered so far is focused on you as an individual, but if you've been paying attention in life, then you know that nobody gets ahead on their own. Supportive relationships are crucial to your success. Why don't you reach out to the people you already know in the organization who you just feel would be up for the challenge of breaking free of the catch 22 like minded individuals who you've already built some positive social capital with, and then look outside the organization too, past colleagues, community connections, volunteering. Maybe it's time also to formally ask someone to mentor you, or maybe you need to reach out to your HR department and find out what kind of resources exist for coaching, and don't forget to build resilience by engaging in all of those things that naturally bolster your emotional and mental resilience. You know, hobbies, relaxation techniques, exercise, barbecues, with friends. You know what I'm talking about. You. And that brings us to the end of this episode. If you've been nodding along, recognizing these patterns in your own experiences, remember you're not alone. Leadership is a challenging journey filled with constant learning and evolving perspectives. The key takeaway here is that understanding the larger patterns and implicit cultures within your organization can provide you with a powerful vantage point to navigate your challenges more effectively. So as you continue on your leadership journey, I encourage you to take a step back, reflect on the bigger picture and consider how you might influence positive change in yourself and by virtue in your organization. And if you're curious about digging deeper into these concepts. Check out the resources and programs like citrus you that can offer more structured support and insights. Thank you for joining me today. I hope you found this episode insightful and that it sparked some new ideas for your own leadership practice. Don't forget to subscribe or leave a review if you enjoyed the podcast until next time, keep exploring, keep learning and keep leading with intention and awareness. So you've been listening to the squeeze. Thanks for joining us today. If any of what I shared with you resonated and you find yourself leaning towards putting a bit more focus into your own leadership development, which I sincerely hope you do, then be sure and click the link in the show notes to get your hands on my new leadership audit tool. This might just be the leg up that you need to break free of those big system patterns that I talked a lot about in this episode. You